Double Nickles on Your Dime
by Nymbis
Summary: An odds and ends collection of Naruto stories. 10 genres of Shizune x Genma.
1. This Little Piggy, Ino and Tonton

AN: Hi, just a dumping ground for various short stories, ficlets, and drabbles :o)

WARNINGS: Spoilers for recent manga chapters!!

**This Little Piggy- Ino, Tonton**

The loud knocking on the door wouldn't go away, and Ino could feel the sparks emit from her ground teeth as she rolled over and tried to ignore it. It was still too early to be answering doors, and when she looked at the clock next to her cot she wanted to cry. She had only gotten two hours of sleep, at most.

Looking like hell, but figuring that whoever had the nerve to wake her at this ungodly hour would just have to deal with it, Ino's not so nimble feet made their way to the entrance of the makeshift Yamanaka residence.

"Whaddaya want-?" her voice fell when there was no one there. Now really awake, and really annoyed at being really awake, she hissed between her teeth, gathering chakra to use for a perimeter scan to give the _ding dong ditcher_ a piece of her mind-

"Oink!"

Her creased eyebrows went a little slack, and the hand that had been preparing to form a tiger seal pressed over her mouth in horror. Had she actually just _squealed _in anger? She had sworn that she had beaten that unfortunate habit out of her vernacular when she was still in the civilian school-

"Oinkoink!" It came quicker this time, and Ino looked down.

A tiny little pig wearing a little pearl necklace looked up.

And all the irritated anger that Ino had built up flooded out of her when she stared at the animal that she realized had no where to go. Tonton blinked.

She bunched a hand on her hip, "Well, don't just stand there, it's six in the morning and I have to report in at ten!"

Tonton seemed to smile, something a bit unnerving for a pig, and hoofed feet clacked against wood as she waddled into the house.

---

It took Ino about ten minutes to spot the messy mop of pink hair peaking out above the heavy stacks of paperwork, and that was with the help of Tonton. Tonton had found Ino's best friend/eternal rival first actually, and had nuzzled the preoccupied, dazed medic's ankle with her snout, causing the usually composed kunoichi to squeal, fling her arms up, and scatter about three dozen financial records.

"Making a mess Forehead?" Ino chided gently, moving around the paperwork that had accumulated in the past two months after the village had been almost totally annihilated.

A megalomaniac threatened the whole world, a tailed beast of pure destructive chakra was released, and the council wanted detailed fiscal reports. Such was war for a shinobi village. Ino was beginning to suspect they were the Village Hidden in the Leaves due to the obscene amounts of paperwork they went through.

"Damn it Pig-"

Tonton snorted, affronted.

Sakura blew a few wayward strands of pink out of her face, "Sorry, Tonton, not you," she whispered somewhat sadly, a heavy hand carefully petting the top of Tonton's head.

Ino looked around the heavily disorganized arrays of papers, "I can't believe they have you regulated to deskwork."

The severely overworked girl leaned back in her chair, tired hands rubbing around her eyes, "I'm the only one that knows how…how Shizune-senpai kept her files."

Ino hadn't been training with Morino Ibiki for nothing, and she noticed the slightest tremble in her best friend's lower lip. Tonton's head lowered as well. She would have been lying if she said that her own eyes didn't get the slightest bit prickly. But now was not the time.

Ino straightened her shoulders, and pulled up a chair alongside Sakura, "It can't be that hard, I bet I can do double of what you have done in an hour!"

Sakura looked at her friend incredulously before she allowed a grim smile, "You're on Porker!"

Tonton snorted, Sakura winced.

"…sorry Tonton."

---

Almost a year later, when Yamanaka Ino went on her second ANBU mission as a special jounin, she discovered that the adorable little pig who had been living under her roof had a hidden talent.

After a recon mission had gone south, Ino had escaped a mind meld only to return to a body that had been poisoned by an enemy shinobi that had discovered their position. She cried out loud when she came to and felt the senbon digging into her upper thigh.

"Don't move your leg, the enemy's weapons are coated in venom," came the man that had been in charge of protecting her unconscious body while she infiltrated the enemy's hideout. His voice was smooth and familiar behind the mask, and his brown, shoulder-length hair tickled her forehead.

"Shit," she muttered, trying in a panic to recall lessons that were taught to her long, long ago by a sensible woman with dark hair who specialized in such medical techniques.

A squeal to her right caught her attention, and Ino felt a cold, rubbery snout pressing against her leg followed by a wet, licking sensation.

"Tonton! What're you-?"

The ANBU holding her interrupted her unspoken question, "Tonton knows how to neutralize poison, don't you girl?" He asked, petting the pig's back and speaking with a hint of wistfulness.

Ino was, for once, speechless as her adopted pet piggy quite possibly saved her life. When she was sure that it was safe, she pulled out the senbon from her leg and handed it to her faceless teammate.

"For your collection," she mumbled to him, mentally deciding to brush up on her poisons and antidotes when her squad returned to Konoha. If there was one thing Ino hated being it was unprepared.

---

When the day of the anniversary came, Ino and Tonton took a short walk to the memorial stone, where Ino poured some sake in a small saucer and witnessed a pig in people's clothes getting drunk.

---

"Yamanka!"

"Yes, Tsunade-san?"

"What have you done to my pet pig!"

Ino snorted, eying the grouchy retiree who was eying the very nice looking Tonton, "I haven't done anything to Tonton!"

"You painted her hooves," grumbled Tsunade, who had taken a few hours away from her cottage on the outskirts of the village to visit the hospital and check up on her protégé. She just happened to be tackled by an over enthusiastic pig on her way in.

Ino picked Tonton up and cradled her to her chest protectively, "She looks cute!"

Tonton grunted in agreement and the pair nodded in synch.

Tsunade felt something kick in her stomach at the familiar image, and she smirked at them before hastily excusing herself to do rounds.

---

When Ino exchanged her halter top for something with longer sleeves, no one made a comment.

After all, there wasn't much point to a covert projectile launching weapon if it was in plain sight.

Plus, she was sick of getting pig snot on her arms.

---

The next time Ino faced Sakura, it was during the ANBU entrance exams, and it was evenly matched. For every fissure in the ground, there's twenty senbon in the wall.

The fight lasted two hours, forty seven minutes, and thirteen seconds. It's a match length unprecedented in ANBU history.

And as the spectators watched two stretchers being brought out to the floor, the only sole thought going throughout their minds was to be wary of the Legacy of the Slug.

---

After waking up in the hospital, being told by a very smug looking former Hokage "Congratulations", yelling at a comatose Sakura that even though they're both in ANBU she'll definitely get Captain first, Yamanaka Ino straightened up and started the long walk back to her apartment, a squat little piggy following her all the way home.


	2. B is for Bite, Shizune x Genma

**B is for Bite- Shizune x Genma**

"I'm dying."

She frowned at the boy who was lying on the ground in front of her, his eyes looking to the sky like a saint accepting a heavenly reward after an act of matrydom.

"You're not dying," she said evenly, her hands going to her first aide pouch that her mentor and soon to be aunt had given her for field training.

"It _feels_ like I'm dying."

"When you overreact it's harder to assess the damage," Shizune said flatly, pulling up her teammate's pant leg and looking at the snake bite he had received. She fought terribly hard the urge to roll her eyes.

"Genma..."

"Am I going to pull through, Shizune-chan?" Something devilish entered his formerly somber gaze, "...you may have to suck the poison out. With your mouth."

Perhaps she would have, if the wound were actually poisoned. It was obvious to her that her dear, _dear_ teammate wasn't as close to death's door as he'd want her to believe. She could tell by how the puncture marks weren't inflamed, discolored, or starting to ooze puss. Her best, medically informed, thirteen year old guess was a harmless rat snake bite. If that. She knew that it was her duty as a medic in training to inform her melodramatic teammate of this.

But he was being annoying, and she still owed him for the time that their other teammate Kurenai had caught him peaking on them in the hot springs.

"Genma, I'm so sorry," Shizune whispered in what she hoped was her serious voice and not her bad acting voice.

Apparently it worked, as the hands that were folded peacefully over his chest suddenly clenched, "Huh?"

"It's venomous, possibly a pit viper bite," Shizune said softly, fiddling around in her first aid kit and pulling out the most intimidating syringe, "I'll have to act fast, or you could use the leg."

"You're...you're joking, right?"

She pressed her lips in a grim line and shook her head. Her fingers flicked the syringe's needle to expell any air bubbles.

The senbon, the one that Genma had recently started chewing in an attempt to outshine Asuma's new habit of smoking in adolescent boy coolness, fell slack on his hanging lower lip.

"You know, I think I'll pull through-"

"Genma, this is your _health_, we can't afford to take any precautions-"

"No really, I'm fine-"

"I insist-"

"It was a rat snake!"

Shizune stared at him, long and hard. He offered a nervous grin in return.

"Well," she said with pursed lips, "I hope you learned a lesson."

Genma fell silent, letting go of a relieved sigh when she put the syringe away. Just because he liked fighting with senbon didn't mean he was in a hurry to get stuck with one. He waited until he was sure Shizune was done putting away her first aide pouch before he cheekily asked his next question.

"Will you kiss it better?"


	3. Smoke Screen, Kurenai x Asuma

**Smoke Screen- Kurenai, Asuma**

She had always been a light sleeper, so she was surprised that it was the sound of a door sliding open that woke her and not a shift of weight on the bed or the sound of bare feet walking across their wooden floor. Foggy eyes blinked until she could see him going to the balcony where she kept her flowers and he his ashtray.

It wasn't long before she heard the all too familiar click of his second favorite lighter, a burst of fire illuminating his face in the early morning darkness. She dazedly watched his profile, fingers that were less steady than they were the night before pulling out a cigarette from the box and then pressing it between drawn lips.

He was frowning, even half conscious, she could tell he was frowning. It didn't fit, because she could remember him smiling the night before, a warm hand resting on her arm, a "Don't Worry" falling off of his tongue with a well-worn ease. She had believed him, and she had smiled back just as easily.

Now, she watched him use the hand that had rested over hers, the one that bore the matching ring, to fan through the exhaled smoke. When he coughed, he muffled it with that same hand. He was careful not to wake her up, probably thinking that he'd have time to say hello instead of goodbye.

She watched him as he inhaled and exhaled, her eyelids sinking in time to his breaths.

She was back to sleep before he shut their door for the last time.

---

It's been three weeks now, and every time Kurenai closes her eyes she can see nothing but the end of that last cigarette, the wind making its embers dance across the sky like fireworks.


	4. First, Sai x Sakura

**First- Sai x Sakura**

He wasn't her first kiss, that had been Naruto in a vulnerable moment last summer, and contrary to what she had thought prior about the occasion, it wasn't a big deal. Not in the way they had both hoped it to be. Perhaps that was why it didn't work out. She found she didn't mind, and was relieved that on the next mission nothing was weird between them after the initial awkward blushing.

He wasn't her first date. A quiet civilian by the name of Toshi had asked her out for dinner when she was fourteen, after she had bumped into him at a book store one too many times. He had become quieter after she had mentioned her profession, and more than likely started going somewhere else for his novels. She didn't care, he had failed to produce any interesting conversation and seemed far too removed from anything she knew.

He wasn't her first love. That belonged to a boy who had thrown it all away so very long ago. One that she had begged to stay, one that had walked away with a piece of her that she had grown too tired to miss. She didn't cry. Not anymore.

He was the first one to put his hand over hers, not even all the way, half of his palm resting over half of hers, and if Sakura hadn't been paying attention to how his spine straightened slightly, she would have thought of it as an accident. The fingers that weren't covered by his glove were pale and oddly warm, resting over her own, and her heart sped and slowed at the same time as she just stared at them.

He didn't say anything, for once, as he just stared straight ahead, his mouth turned down at the corners and his jaw ticked in a way that Sakura had discovered on a mission once meant he was afraid.

She breathed in, and for a moment, she allowed herself to wonder if this would be any better if a different dark haired boy were next to her. She stared at Sai, as he waited for her reaction, stoic as something carved out of marble.

She exhaled, and in her heart, she felt herself turn traitor as she moved her hand a few centimeters to the left, turning over her hand to intertwine her fingers with his.

He is the first one to hold her hand.

And for some reason, this meant more than the others, because he is also the first one who stayed..


	5. F is for Fate, Kakashi and Sakura

**F is for Fate- Kakashi, Sakura**

The rain isn't pouring down, it's a drizzle, if anything.

Her hand clenches around the hitae in her hand, one with a deep, long gash down the middle. It isn't hers, but she's gotten into a habit of taking things that aren't hers. In her pack alone there's so many pieces of other people that she tries, and fails, to make fit around the edges.

He wonders what piece of him she'll be carrying one day.

He knows that a paintbrush is the newest one, the one that was delivered after the hitae with a smile. And he's certain that it's the one that made her wake up and realize that maybe she, like Kakashi, isn't cut out for the life of a survivor. She isn't her mentor, she can't feel her teammate and friend die under her hands and then hide, heal and grieve in silence. She stays where she is needed, and her shoulders are permanently hunched over from the weight of memories. He recognizes the posture, sometimes.

She hasn't moved from her spot in front of the memorial stone, and he hasn't moved from his, watching her back. It's the one thing he makes sure he's good for, now that two of his students are too far ahead to see, and the last is starting to chase after them. He keeps her clan insignia in his sight whenever he can, the white circle like a target.

Her breathing has been remarkably calm, but he can hear the stretch of fabric over her knuckles.

After what feels like years, she looks straight at him over her shoulder. She's smiling.

It's soft, but twisted with a bitterness that he has grown more and more used to seeing as the years go by and the list of names grows longer.

He could stare at her forever, but he doesn't think fortune is going to be smiling at him like she is anytime soon.

"I'm tired of fighting, Kakashi."

It's not sensei anymore. It hasn't been sensei since he needed her to pull him back from the brink of death. It hasn't been sensei since she realized her jounin instructor was made of flesh and bones just like everyone else.

He doesn't know what he can say that won't end up sounding hypocritical. He settles instead for resting a hand on her shoulder. Ruffling the top of her head has become taboo ever since he had smiled, told her it'd be okay, and it wasn't.

The hand not holding onto her memories reaches up and grabs his, and she lets her thumb ghost over his knuckles.


	6. Scapegoat, Konohamaru and Hanabi

**Scapegoat- Konohamaru, Hanabi**

Sarutobi Konohamaru was an idiot.

He was doing that utterly juvenile trick again- the foul one where he shoved two senbon up his nostrils- and she couldn't help the curl of her upper lip. Of all the rotten luck, she was burdened with having to sit in front of the annoying boy for the second year in a row at the Academy.

She could hear his friends laughing as he continued his asinine impression while she religiously took notes from the lecture Sensei was giving. Her diligent fingers solved the trajectory equations and her hand shot up to answer the questions on ninja theory while that complete moron pretended to be a walrus or something.

Therefore, she was more than a little miffed when Sensei smiled at her outstretched hand but didn't call on it, instead his patient tone muttered, "Konohamaru?"

The brat almost fell out of his chair, which was a pity as the senbon up his nose probably would have gone all the way up to his fool brain when he hit the floor.

"Yeah, Sensei?" He asked quickly, pulling his attention away from his laughing friends.

"Seeing as you are taking the opportunity to acquaint yourself with ninja weapons, perhaps you wouldn't mind sharing with us the trajectory ratio for the problem on the board?"

"Uh…" Konohamaru muttered, scratching the top of his head and not even making an effort to work out the problem, "Four?"

Sensei sent him the look that most instructors reserved for their 'problem' students, "Maybe you should brush up on your textbook instead of entertaining the class?" He asked, before calling on Hanabi.

She answered the question perfectly, ignoring the blown raspberry Konohamaru sent her way. She merely looked over her shoulder and smirked at his pouting expression.

She didn't understand him. When everyone else in their class took notes, or did their homework, she noticed that he always let his attention stray towards useless things like that horrid Sexy no Jutsu. It was irritating, and Hanabi was seriously beginning to doubt if he was a product of the Sarutobi clan like his name suggested. Today was no different, and she watched his cheeks turn red and his lower lip jut out in a pout, senbon still somewhat humorously stuck in his nose.

"Moron…" she muttered, but she leaned a little bit to the right when she noticed him trying to copy down her notes from over her left shoulder.

---

He was walking with his friends after class to the dango shop when he noticed her alone and had the bright idea to ask her along. Typically, he went out of his way to avoid the Hyuuga terror, since she hated his guts and Konohamaru wasn't a fan of people hating his guts.

But when everyone else in their class met up with friends, or rushed home to spend time with their families, he noticed that she always left for the training grounds as soon as the lesson was over. It was kind of creepy, and Konohamaru was seriously beginning to put more trust in his theory that the Hyuuga clan would never produce a _normal _kid. Today was no different, and he watched her leave to go practice her patty cake techniques on a dummy, pointedly oblivious to all the talking groups of Academy students that framed the exit to the building.

Maybe he felt a little bad.

Or something.

Plus, despite all the evidence to the contrary, he wasn't _stupid, _and he noticed the way she had shifted to give him a better view of her notes that morning in class.

And besides, he was just asking her to come with. It wasn't like he was making her his new best friend or something. Without much deliberation, as was his way, he quickly came to a conclusion.

And so Moegi and Udon were both surprised when he dug his heels into the ground, swerved, and quickly headed towards the workaholic girl, "Catch up with you in a sec!"

Moegi narrowed her eyes, "Konohamaru, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to invite Hyuuga to come with."

Udon's eyes went wide, "_Why?_"

"She hates your guts Kono," Moegi reminded helpfully.

Konohamaru, willfully deaf as was his nature when people were using logic against him, ignored his two friends as he trotted up to the intensely training Hyuuga. Moegi and Udon both met each others' stares, shrugged, and went after him.

He saw a scowl on Hanabi's face when he approached, "What do you want?"

Konohamaru put on his most charming smile, or at least the one that got him out of trouble the most, "Want to go get dango?"

She paused for a moment, her face a cool mask, before she resumed her exercise.

"Why would I want to go with _you_?" Asked the ice princess, disdain dripping from every word as she slammed her palms against the wood again and again and again.

His smile dropped, and he wanted to ask who she _would _go with, since she always made sure that she was head and shoulders above everyone else in their class, but instead he said, "Because I'm Sarutobi Konohamaru!"

She sent him a poisonous glare from the corner of her eye, and the place where the dummy's neck was snapped in half, "I have training to do."

Konohamaru crossed his arms over his chest.

"Take a break."

"I don't take breaks. Go bother someone else."

Moegi, already knowing that this wasn't going to go anywhere and practically drooling from hunger, decided enough was enough and tugged on his sleeve, "C'mon Kono, let's just go. "

Udon wiped his perpetually runny nose on his perpetually crusty sleeve, "She doesn't want to come."

Konohamaru frowned, noticing that Hanabi's exercise had picked up in intensity. He lifted one eyebrow, "You don't want to go?"

Hanabi ignored him, and when she brought her foot around for a roundhouse kick it almost connected with his head.

Moegi gave an exasperated sigh, forgoing the sleeve to grab him by the end of his scarf, and started walking. Udon rolled his eyes, before matching her pace. The only protest Konohamaru gave was to give a sputtered shout of indignation at Moegi for stretching the fabric and how she just couldn't go around choking people into dates. Moegi pursed her lips, and Konohamaru abruptly felt a sting at the back of his head.

They were almost out of earshot before Konohamaru remembered that Hanabi didn't answer his question, and his head turned around to demand an answer from her.

When he looked over his shoulder, he was surprised to see her already staring at them. His loud mouth went silent for a minute.

Her eyes were wide, not really focused and her shoulders were drooping a little. Her weight shifted from leg to leg and her left foot was about to take a step in their direction before she felt him staring at her. When she noticed, her eyes narrowed and her chin tilted up, and when she turned back towards her training dummy to resume her kata it was so fast her dark hair fanned out behind her.

He frowned, Konohamaru knew a brush off when he saw one. He stubbornly faced forward, annoyed at her quick dismissal even though it was obvious to him that she wanted to go. The last thought of her that entered his head before his friends' conversation took its place was quick and to the point.

Hyuuga Hanabi was an idiot.


	7. 10, Sai x Sakura

**AN: **Thanks so much for all the feedback! Next up is the requested Lee/Tenten :o)

**Ten Genre Challenge.**

**Angst**

"It doesn't hurt," she said flatly, eyes looking skyward, breathing labored as her chest rose and fell like the tides.

The boy who was five seconds too late smiled, "I wouldn't expect it to."

"Good," she said proudly, fingers clenching and unclenching into a fist.

The knuckles of her gloves were blown clear off. Carefully, like a child, he rested his hand in her palm when she was between flexes. She held on, but her grip wasn't bruising.

His eyes were closed. His mouth was smiling.

"Just don't…" she faltered, "…just don't leave."

The smile grew impossibly large, "Of course not, Sakura."

"Thank you."

Sai kept his hand where it was even after the fingers stopped moving around it.

**AU**

Sakura checked over her shoulder for about the thousandth time to make sure the trainee was still paying attention. The new guy had been awfully quiet as she explained each work station, how to operate the timers, and the rundown on how to use the com system.

"Are you following?" She asked, her tone a little cranky from the all-nighter she had pulled yesterday in preparation for her entrance exam later today.

The pale boy simply smiled and nodded.

Sakura nodded, "Good, because one slip up and the whole thing gets messed up. You don't want to cause unnecessary stress for your teammates."

"I understand."

Her face was grim as she picked up a visor from the counter and placed it on the boy's head, "I hope so. Now, the management has forced me to tell you that Seven Burger Heaven's most important rule-"

The boy's face didn't change. Sakura echoed the expression.

"-is service with a smile."

**Crack**

"…and so, I need the two of you to pose as newlyweds in order to infiltrate-" Tsunade looked up from her file as she noticed the male operative for the mission politely raising his hand. She frowned, "Yes Sai?"

Sai cleared his throat, "I would like to suggest that the Hag and I be assigned to a different mission."

Tsunade scowled, folding her hands under her chin, "On what grounds?"

Sakura settled for just glaring at her teammate.

"Clearly there is an underlying sexual tension between myself and Hag-" Sakura choked, "-that would interfere with our actual reconnaissance duties as our hormonal and sexually driven impulses-" Sakura started to turn an interesting shade of blue, "-would form several emotional obstacles towards completing the mission and allow for distraction, inevitably leading to a huge catastrophe that will jeopardize the entire operation before we come to our senses and just surrender to our feelings."

It was a rare thing for Sakura to be struck speechless. A rarer thing for Tsunade, who looked torn between furious and entertained.

"What makes you think that?" She finally questioned at last.

Sai smiled, "I occupy my leisure time with reading. This social situation is what my books refer to as a 'trope.'"

Tsunade's eyes widened marginally, before she faced her apprentice.

"What do you have to say about this, Sakura?"

Sakura sputtered, "He-! I-! It's not-!" She lowered her head, cheeks flaming red, and said in a very small voice "…he's right." And in a smaller voice, "That mission is a bad idea."

"..if you insist," Tsunade said carefully, pulling another file from the drawer, "In that case, Sakura, you will be sent on a seduction mission-"

Sai raised his hand again.

**Crossover**

"What the kriff do you think you're doing?!" Screamed the pink haired bounty hunter to his right as she attempted to slice into the security controls for the prison cells.

The Jedi next to her had no outward reaction, his face pressed into a cool line as he spoke calmly, "The prisoner must be brought to face his accusers on Coruscant."

She snarled, turning away from the monitor to stare down the man who had become her unlikely partner for the rescue mission after a mix-up at a cantina, "Are you out of your mind? He's wanted dead on eight planetary systems, if you send him to Coruscant they'll kill him-"

"That is not for me to decide. I only follow the orders given by the Jedi Council," the Jedi who had only given her the name of Sai insisted, "Uchiha Sasuke must be held accountable."

He wasn't expecting the bounty hunter to pull out a blaster pistol and aim it directly at his heart, "You _will_ unlock the energy fields surrounding the holding cells," there was a pleading to her eyes, and Sai noticed how they seemed to scream desperation, "I've been through too much to lose him here on this kriffing ship!"

"You're afraid," the Jedi whispered, puzzled and seemingly not even aware of the weapon pointed at his chest, "The Jedi Code says fear leads to the dark side."

The desperation was gone, replaced by something flat, determined, "Doesn't the Code also preach forgiveness?"

Sai smiled, "Not for traitors."

He didn't have enough time to react as Sakura pulled the trigger on her blaster pistol, the stun bolt sending him backwards and onto the floor.

"That's good," she said as she bent over him and searched through his robes for the access codes, "Because you're going to have a hard time forgiving me."

**First Time**

The first time Sai held his child was shortly after Sakura delivered it, a perfectly healthy baby with splotchy red skin that was wrapped up in a pink blanket. Her umbilical cord had just been cut and Sakura lay supine on the bed, sweating and panting but beaming with an exhausted happiness as she witnessed her husband bonding with their firstborn.

Sai stared at the warm baby in his arms, with its matted dark hair and wrinkly skin. His eyes went a little rounder and a genuine smile crawled up his face as she wrapped her tiny hand around the tip of his index finger.

"She's disgustingly hideous," he said meaningfully with a nod.

And to this day, the medical ninja of the OB-GYN unit of the hospital recount the most amazing tale of a woman who, just seconds after a very long and painful delivery, had calmly taken hold of her daughter, cooed at her, and then proceeded to punch said daughter's father through three solid walls of concrete.

(For the second child he said, "Acceptable" and was only punched through two.)

**Fluff**

"To be blunt, everyone thinks you're gay," Sakura said heavily as she sat down on the mattress, unbuckling her shin guards.

"Oh, like the time with me and Sasuke-kun?" Sai asked cheerfully, unbuttoning the collar of his shirt and pulling it over his head.

"Yeah," Sakura said, her eyes taking on a glassy, wistful expression as she wiggled out of her skirt.

"That seems very misguided," Sai remarked, laying down as he unbuttoned his trousers.

"Oh well, let them think what they want," Sakura conceded after much thought, crawling over to him and swinging a leg on each side of his hips.

"I am not gay," asserted Sai, hands moving to cup her rear, "I enjoy having intercourse with you," he said with a smile, "And since you are lacking a penis-"

"We'll have to have a talk about you using that word all of the time," Sakura muttered, before she rendered him silent with a kiss.

**Humor**

"Look, I'm pretty sure I have a crush on you," she said flatly, no room for argument despite her somewhat ubiquitous wording.

Sai tensed, looking like he was about to get hit.

Sakura frowned, tired of boys looking like they were in pain every time she confessed her like for them, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Preparing."

"Preparing for what?"

"To be crushed."

Sakura's upper lip curled slightly, and as her fingers rubbed her temples in an aggravated manner, Sai heard her mutter, "Idiot", but whether that was directed at him or her he could not be sure.

**Hurt/Comfort**

He stared at the corpse in his hands like a child would a broken puppet, the scarred man's face peering up at his own after a battle that had cost the lives of those he had grown to call friends. That had almost cost his own life.

He heard the footsteps coming from behind him but he could not move. His dark eyes were narrowed, trying to solve a complicated equation where both sides weren't balanced to begin with.

"Sai?"

It's her voice.

He couldn't find words for this moment, all the books over all the months have given him nothing.

"Sai?" her voice was quieter and closer, and he saw her kneel beside him, saw the faint green glow of chakra around her fingers as she confirmed the death of Danzou.

He felt her gloved hand on his back, rubbing a slow circle.

"Sai." It's a whisper this time.

He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Her hand was heavy, a welcome counterweight to the body in his arms.

Sai exhaled, and stood at the same moment the squad of ANBU arrived.

**Smut**

Her head tilted back and a soft, strangled noise escaped her lips as she felt him enter her, her hips rising and her back arching as she tried to sate the fire that had started as a funny feeling in the stomach and was now an irritating heat between her legs.

But when she rolled her eyes up to meet his, to silently prompt the question as to why he wasn't responding, she felt the heat flicker and die when she took in the lost look on his face. His eyes were wide, darkly confused and there was an almost nervous twist to his mouth that made his swollen lower lip jut out. His heart was thudding violently against her chest in the way that it hadn't when they had faced the squad of rogue nin earlier that afternoon.

His pulse hummed like an electrical current when she stopped moving her hips in favor of pressing her lips to his neck, and she realized that for the first time he was completely naked in front of her.

**UST**

"Boys are so stupid," muttered Moegi as the window to the left of her acquired a Sai-shaped hole.

"What makes you say that?" Questioned Udon, sniffling up snot as he-from a reasonably safe distance- watched the pink haired kunoichi drag Sai out of the window by his collar.

"He's just trying to get her attention," explained the kunoichi of the Konohamaru Corps with all the sound reasoning of a twelve year old girl, which, oddly enough, was suiting for the situation at hand.

The two of them had been walking home from a sparring session when shouting and crashing noises from the market had distracted their attention. The two genin had run over to witness Sakura, Moegi's idol, beating the ever loving crap out of Sai, Konohamaru's model for the reverse sexy-no-jutsu.

"I think you're wrong Moegi, there's no way someone would pick a fight with Sakura-san for attention" mumbled Udon, both of their preadolescent heads tilting up and over as Sai flew in an arc over their heads.

"I don't think so, he's smiling when she hits him."

"Well," Udon said around the dismally clogged sinuses as Sakura chased Sai down after launching him into the air, "If boys are stupid, then girls are psychotic."


	8. 10, Lee x Tenten

**AN: **For kaibasgirlx- I hope this format is okay with you?

**Lee x Tenten- 10 Genres**

**Angst- After the Prelims**

Tenten watched as Lee hobbled along on his crutches, and she instantly regretted every mean thing she had ever thought or said about him. It broke her heart to see him smile at her as if he wasn't aware of the crushing sense of pity boiling in the pit of her stomach.

**AU- Don Quixote Complex**

The blacksmith's apprentice shook her head, a sigh and smile both escaping her lips as she watched the aspiring knight pick up the sword she had just forged.

"This is most wondrous, Tenten my friend!" Lee cried, taking the weapon and adjusting his grip to the hilt, "Truly you will be a master."

She tilted her head, "Thank you, Lee, but I'd ask that you set that down. It is for the mighty Lord Gai, and I won't have you smudging it already."

Lee let go of the sword, a sort of wistful expression on his face, "Lord Gai is an honorable man, I hope to be as great as him one day."

Tenten cleared her throat, going over to her personal chest before pulling out a wrapped bundle, "That's good, since I made you one as well."

Lee eagerly undid the cloth over the sword, his eyes shining brightly as he clenched it to his chest, "This is so gracious of you Tenten! Tomorrow I'm surely going to joust in your honor!"

Tenten patted his arm awkwardly, "Just make sure you stay on the horse this time, Sir Lee."

**Crack- Flashdance!**

"I can't believe he's winning the contest," Neji said.

"I can't believe we even _have _an annual Konoha Dance Contest," muttered Tenten to his side.

"Inuzuka's out," Neji observed, as Kiba howled in pain, his foot having been crushed under Lee's during the twist competition a few seconds ago.

"The only ones left are Chouji and Ino," Tenten commented, the dancing couple completely owning the stage as they moved in tandem to a swing song.

"There's no way Lee will win."

"What makes you say that?"

"It's two against one, he needs a partner," Neji commented, a side glance aimed straight at his female teammate.

Tenten frowned, "What was _that _look for Neji?"

"If he's going to embarrass our team by entering this forsaken thing in the first place, he might as well thoroughly embarrass us by winning," the prodigy said in a clipped tone.

Tenten frowned, "No way!"

Neji stared at her.

"No! Absolutely not! No-" she heard the announcer, Naruto if the constant interjections of 'dattebayo!' were an indication, state that all dancers without a partner would be disqualified.

"Oh hell," she mumbled, seeing Lee's crestfallen expression, before trudging over to stand next to him.

Neji let a wicked smirk crawl over his face, pulling out a camera as the music began.

**Crossover (Soul Caliber)- A Tale of Swords and Souls…**

She took a deep inhalation of breath as she stared down the strange boy who was doing punches in the air.

"It is my deepest regret that I must face down such a lovely young maiden, but I fear that I cannot allow you to go after the sword, Soul Edge is an evil weapon," the man in the green jumpsuit declared, brandishing a pair of nauchakas and spinning them around before finally locking them over one shoulder.

Tenten withdrew her short jian sword, twirling it around her in a similar manner of intimidation, "I'm an exile until I find that sword for the Emperor," she said calmly, "I cannot return home without it."

The man nodded, "I understand your resolve. Though it pains me to do this, it is for your own good."

Tenten rotated her wrist, her nameless jian glinting in the light as she entered a fighting position.

**First Time- The Most Important Lesson**

"For the last time, I thought the hot springs were empty-" a mortified Tenten exclaimed as she looked anywhere but at her sensei.

"Now Tenten," Gai said in a paternal tone, "It is quite natural for a young woman in the springtime of her youth to be curious about the less fair sex-"

"It was an accident!"

"-but there are far more appropriate ways to indulge that curiosity than peaking on Lee while he bathes-"

"**I thought the hot springs were empty."**

Gai held a fist under his chin, "Perhaps it is time I instruct my darling students on the shuriken and the kunai?"

Tenten wished she had sealed away a shovel in her weapon scrolls, that way she could bury herself.

**Fluff**

"If Tenten refuses to go out with me for dinner, I will run four hundred laps around Konoha, on my hands, _naked_-"

Tenten groaned, covering her face with her hand, "Lee, let's just go grab some ramen."

**Humor-- Cutting You Off**

"I'm saying, his face may look a little weird, and his fashion sense is _terrible, _but holy hell does he have a nice ass!" A drunken Ino slurred, throwing an arm around Tenten's shoulders as the two of them sat at the bar for the Hyuuga wedding reception, Tenten allowing herself the rare indulgence of girl talk, "Am I right or am I right?"

Tenten looked away, "I don't know, I haven't looked. He's my teammate, Yamanaka."

"Pff, teammate schmeamate," Ino drawled, "Do you know how many times I've checked out Shikamaru's butt?" Her blue eyes squinted, as if trying to recount, "_Very._"

Tenten blushed, thinking the blonde had no shame whatsoever when a light tapping on the shoulder saved her from the embarrassing and _loud _conversation.

"Tenten, may I dance with you?" Asked Lee politely, for once in traditional kimono as opposed to the jumpsuit.

"Sure, Lee," she said, placing her hand in his. Anything to get her away from Yamanaka.

"SQUEEZE HIS BUTT!" She jeered after them with a wink, causing Tenten to flush bright red.

**Hurt/Comfort- Some Sort of Victory**

She tried to blink away the tears of frustration that were forming in her eyes as she watched Temari take her place in the arena. That should have been her down there- she was the top kunoichi in her class, the best weapons master of their generation, and she had trained religiously ever since graduating the academy to get her skills up to par. Her dreams had been dealt a harsh blow, and her confidence was shaky as she watched a different kunoichi fighting in her place.

"May I sit here?"

Tenten didn't look at Lee, keeping her stare dead ahead as she nodded.

"Thank you Tenten," Lee said, scuttling over to her as well as he could with his injuries.

The two teammates watched the battle between Temari and Shikamaru, and Tenten was quite surprised when she heard Lee speak.

"It was an unfortunate coincidence for you Tenten, to be paired with the kunoichi from Sand in the preliminaries. Against any other opponent in the matches, you would have won. You have a much greater fire in you than she, it's only because she has the only jutsu capable of beating your Dancing Dragons technique that she triumphed."

Tenten fought back the tears and smiled. She knew Lee was only trying to make her feel better, but when he gave her the Nice Guy Smile and a corny thumbs up, she couldn't help the chuckle that escaped her mouth.

**Smut- Round Two!!**

"I need to take a breather," Tenten panted, abruptly pulling away from Lee and wrapping a bed sheet around herself.

Lee's eyes widened, "But Tenten, why-?"

"Not everyone has your stamina, Lee," she ground out irritably, wrapping the sheet tighter around herself.

**UST- Never Storm the Castle**

"She's really going to town," whispered Chouji, sounding slightly concerned as he watched the weapons' expert throttling the taijutsu master.

"Don't you ever do that again you idiot! You could have ruined the entire mission! Can you never get it through your thick skull that sometimes you don't have to be the hero?! I'm going to use your ass as a pincushion-!"

"He'll be fine," Shikamaru muttered, more to convince himself as he ignited his lighter and took a long drag on his cigarette.


	9. M is for Milestones, Sakura x Sasuke

**M is for Milestones- Sakura x Sasuke**

She is doing everything she can not to be that girl anymore.

In her head, she hasn't been that girl since she cut her hair, since she tied with Ino in the prelims, but everytime she looks in the mirror and sees that photograph of Team 7 tucked in the corner of it, she realizes that her heart's going to need some convincing.

But she's making improvements, now that Sasuke's back.

There is a list of things that she will no longer allow herself to do, and it fits at ten, the same number she's supposed to count to before she loses her temper.

---

**1. No Nicknames **

He's sitting calmly at the library, an unusual spot for him, and he's near where she usually studies, a scroll opened in front of him. This surprises her, because despite his brilliance, he's not the best of students. His mind had always been far too preoccupied on other things for studying.

Her hand is up in the air before she realizes what she's doing, but she forces herself to freeze. She doesn't call out, she doesn't rush up to him to ask what he's reading, she doesn't wave. What she does do is square her shoulders and walk over to the table next to him.

"Sasuke," she greets, sitting down and opening her medical textbook while biting her lower lip.

He nods back, dark eyes staring at her profile for a moment before going back to reading. The silence where 'kun' should be is heard by them both.

**2. Do Not Put Beauty Over Practicality **

Sakura does not brush her hair before going to meet with her team for the mission. She is too tired, too overworked, and her alarm clock went off about twenty minutes too late.

Uchiha Sasuke doesn't notice that Haruno Sakura is wearing the same outfit that he saw her in yesterday, because Uchiha Sasuke doesn't notice those sorts of things.

**3. No More Asking for Dates **

When Naruto asks her out to lunch, she says "Okay."

When Sasuke asks her to train, she tells him to ask Naruto.

**4. Don't Worry **

She takes a longer route on her way to work at the hospital. She tells herself it is for the exercise and not because she wants to avoid the Uchiha grounds.

**5. No Touching **

Once, while on watch during a mission with Sasuke, Sakura noticed how he clutched at the spot between his neck and collarbone, a phantom pain that made creases between his eyebrows.

Before she realized what she was doing, her hand was outstretched, glowing green around the edges, and heading straight for that spot.

He turned and looked at her at that moment, his eyes holding a sort of expectant look to them that made all fleeting thoughts of comforting him run from her mind. Her hand fell, the green light flickering and dying.

He stared at her, obviously confused, but she turned away from him, gathering her things and making for the other side of the site.

"You know," she whispered very quietly, "One day you're going to learn to ask for help."

**6. Don't Apologize**

She couldn't meet his eyes after she requested that he not be placed on her team for the upcoming mission, her fists clenching and her teeth digging harshly into her lower lip.

**7. Don't Be Rude **

"Thank you," she said quietly, brushing by him as he held the door open for her. The words should not have come out as bitterly as they did.

**8. No Begging**

"Aw, c'mon Sasuke! It's been forever since we've had ramen!" Naruto pouted inbetween the two of them as the newly reunited Team Seven made their way to their respective homes after their first successful mission together.

"I have to report to the Hokage tomorrow," Sasuke said, curt and obviously bitter about his upcoming hearing to get the ANBU surveillance squad off his back.

"Pf, forget the old hag!" Naruto pressed, turning to Sakura, "Tell him Sakura! Tsunade won't care if he's late!"

She felt his eyes on her then, twin black holes burning through her. She swallowed, her formerly typical answer drifting to the tip of the tongue, but she swallowed it back down.

"Sasuke is in no position to abuse shishou's leinency," she said calmly.

There was a heavy silence between the trio before Sakura made a strained show of nodding goodbye to them, quickly walking down the other street to her apartment.

**9. Don't Hold Back **

She vows that the next time Sasuke calls her useless, or annoying, or weak, she is going to punch him. Hard. Across the face.

She's still waiting for the opportunity.

**10. No Smothering **

When he is hospitalized, Sakura assigns him to Ino. She doesn't rush over to him, she doesn't check every part of his body for injuries, and she doesn't scold him for being reckless on the field.

And she certainly doesn't notice Sasuke cutting his own apple for lunch, an intense expression of concentration on his face.

---

She is not that girl anymore. And Sasuke is going to learn to appreciate it.


	10. R is for Regrets, Anko x Itachi

**R is for Regrets, Anko x Itachi**

He was, without a doubt, the most uncutest kid she'd ever seen. He had stress lines already, like a middle-aged man, and his face seemed to be half composed of huge placid eyes that took everything in. He was even dressed in black, only enhancing the certain something irritating about his bearing that Anko couldn't quite put her finger on.

The kid turned around to head to the door, and all the pieces snapped together. White and red fan. Bingo. Uchiha.

Anko watched him, teeth pulling the ball of dango from its kebab, chomping down viciously as the kid hovered somewhere between the line and the door. He didn't look nervous, just kind of awkward in a regal, pompous sort of way. She snorted out of her mouth, shoving her chair back as she stood up from her table, and strode over to the newcomer with the remnants of her snack.

"Hey, kid!" She barked.

The boy didn't move, but his gaze went over to the older girl.

"Yeah, you with the bad outfit," she said, walking next to him and bending to meet him in the eye, "You're blocking the door, get in line or don't."

"Excuse me," he said politely, moving over to the side. Still not quite in line.

Anko groaned, there was no hope for some people, "Look brat, you've obviously never been here before. To get food, you get in line first."

"Why are you talking to me?"

She glared at him, "Because I'm bored and you're quiet," she paused, pursing her lips, "How old are you even? Should you be out of the house by yourself?" She saw his hitae the moment he walked in.

He didn't answer. Typical. She snorted, rolled her eyes, and gave him what was left of her dango, "Since you seem to have difficultly comprehending the line, you can have the rest of this one," she rolled her shoulders, walking to the door, "See you later runt!"

She was halfway out the door when-

"I'm seven," he said calmly.

She smiled like a shark, even though he couldn't see it with her back turned to him. Quickly, she swerved on her heel.

"Oh yeah? Well I'm twelve, which makes me bigger and more important than you and next time _you're_ buying _me_ dango," she said matter of factly, "So you better be here tomorrow or I'll kick your ass."

His only response was to experimentally chew the next ball on the stick.

Anko laughed, before ruffling his hair and leaving. She was late for her meeting with Orochimaru-sensei, who said he had a very special surprise for her.

Anko wasn't going to make it to the dango shop the next day. Itachi would become a frequent customer.


	11. 10, Shizune x Genma

**AN **Was not expecting the gigantic asspull at the end of the latest Naruto chapter, so a few of these are AUish XD

**10 Genres of Shizune x Genma**

**Angst**

"She always was terrible at saying goodbye," he told the bartender who was only half listening, before ordering another round, the seat beside him empty.

**AU**

The emergency room was in chaos, and Shizune had to scream to be heard over the buzzing machines and hospital personnel who had hovered over the yakuza member they brought in approximately three minutes ago. She took a deep breath and her mind went over the facts again: male, mid thirties, suffering from several lacerations and a shattered kneecap. Condition: critical.

As one of the best trauma surgeons in this part of town, Shizune had dealt with worse.

However, this had to be the first time a dying man _flirted _with her.

"You're pretty cute for a nurse-" croaked the man in the blood stained suit, eyes focusing on her face.

"Surgeon," she corrected firmly, preparing the IV needle to feed through his hand.

"Doctor-?"

"_Surgeon._"

"Surgeon," he relented, wincing as the stretcher they had him on ran over a bump, "How about you and me grab a bite in the cafeteria after all this unpleasantness is over with?"

Her mouth twisted up despite herself, "I don't date clients."

"Damn," he laughed, before passing out from blood loss.

**Crack**

"It's not funny!" Shouted Genma at his two female teammates with a voice that was at a higher decibel than normal.

Kurenai was bent over, clutching her stomach, her breath choked with laughter. Shizune was slightly more sympathetic.

"I'm sure we can find Sensei, she'll know how to reverse the henge…and um," Shizune rubbed the back of her neck and forced a smile, "You look very pretty Genma-chan."

The thirteen year old girl crossed her arms over her chest and glared poisonously at Kurenai, "This is the last time I let you try out a genjutsu on me."

**Crossover**

"What the hell was that?" he shouted, for once losing his renowned cool when he saw the lab tech exit the building.

The dark haired woman stared at him, "There was…an incident in the labs, we don't have a lot of time before the outbreak swarms the city."

"An incident?" He snorted around the toothpick in his mouth, "An incident! Those things were….were…"

He barely had time to duck as the woman threw what looked like an elaborate hypodermic needle over his shoulder. He turned around to see one of those _things _that had been swarming the city fall to the ground, corpse like face keening as it became inanimate, the needle sticking straight out of its forehead.

"Zombies?" Suggested the practical woman, extending her hand, "My name's Shizune. I'm a former biochemist for the Umbrella corporation and you're going to need my help if you want to get out of here."

He blinked before taking her hand, "Shiranui Genma, Raccoon City Police Department."

Shizune gave a warm smile, "Nice to meet you. Don't let them bite you or you'll die a most agonizing death I'm afraid."

Genma looked down at the zombie, nudging it with the toe of his boot, "…I'll keep that in mind."

**First Time**

Maybe it was because of how Kurenai started paying attention to Asuma when he started smoking, or maybe it was because he wanted an excuse to use the 'deadly with his tongue' joke that he had been mentally crafting for a few days now, but whatever the reason, Shiranui Genma had picked up a senbon and placed it on his lower lip. It was his Thing now, and he felt that it suited his image.

When he walked over to the hospital, where Shizune was learning her specialization in poisons, and where he was going to perhaps ask her out for a one on one training session, he wasn't expecting her reaction.

"Are you stupid? Do you realize how much of a liability that could be on the field? What if someone punches you? You know that a senbon, when applied with enough force, could easily puncture your esophagus-"

When she went searching for the medical diagrams to show him _just _how _easily _his 'cool guy look' could kill him, Genma slipped out the back door.

The eleven year old put his hands in his pockets and smiled, happy that she had called him 'cool' and missing the point entirely.

**Fluff**

Her cheeks were flaming red, and her fingers fiddled with the sleeves of the kimono her uncle had bought her for the festival, "What is it?" She asked shyly as her teammate continued to stare at her.

"Nothing," Gemna said with a forced defensiveness, thinking that for the first time since he had been assigned with her and Kurenai for a genin cell she actually looked like a girl.

"Oh," Shizune said, but she smiled as she walked ahead to the festival where Kurenai was waiting for them.

Genma slowly shook his head before chasing after her.

The next day, Shizune showed up to training wearing a kimono instead of her usual drab jumpsuit.

**Humor**

"Is this good?" Shizune asked, laying down five cards that had little red hearts in the corner, "It must be good, since they're all in order, right?"

Genma watched his former teammate, who had shit for luck before she left with Tsunade, take about two weeks' worth of pay from him in under forty five minutes.

"Yeah, it's good," said Raidou with a small smile, giving the ashen Genma a consoling pat on the back while Asuma opened up a beer for him and Hayate pushed the chips over to Shizune's side of the table.

She smiled, picking up her next hand.

"I want all the colors to match, right?"

Genma groaned, regretting this even more, "Yes, why?"

Her smile grew, "No reason," she stated, even having the gall to hum while she placed a stack of poker chips in the middle of the table.

Genma took a long drink from his beer.

**Hurt/Comfort**

He felt the rubbery snout nuzzling against the palm of his hand, and when he looked down and saw Tonton looking back up at him he felt the beginnings of grief.

His hand ran over the top of her head, "There's a good girl," he whispered, placing the flowers down in front of the cenotaph.

**Smut**

His breath is hot and heavy in her ear, his spine relaxing as his head rests in the crook of her neck. Her thighs are still pressed against either side of his ribcage, and neither of them can quite look at each other for those few moments of silence, their heartbeats pounding against each other.

"Shizune! Where are those files-?" They hear the Hokage yelling too close to the door.

"Shit!" Genma swears, pulling off of her as panic crawls over her face.

The next twelve seconds are spent putting on discarded uniforms and rearranging office supplies on the top of Shizune's desk.

**UST**

"Long time no see," he muttered, leaning against the wall as Shizune left the Hokage's office.

Shizune looked up from the file she had been reading while walking, and her eyes lit up when she saw her old teammate for the first time in years, "Genma."

"Shizune."

"It's nice to see you again."

"I hear Tsunade's got us together on the next mission," Genma said nonchalantly, his tongue pushing the senbon across his lower lip.

She smiled, tilting her head, "That's right."

"I look forward to it," he said, something shining in his eyes as he pushed off the wall and started walking away.

"Me too," she whispered after him, not sure if he heard it.


End file.
